Author Topic: Post Your Funniest Jokes (Read 2268 times)

Hyss Almighty · « **on:** January 26, 2012, 02:58:06 pm »

A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.

The first little boy says, "Alligator."

"Very good, that's a big word.."

The second boy says, "Predator."

"Yes, that's another big word. Well done."

Little Johnny says, "Vibrator."

After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything.."

"Well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!"

'PL' · « **Reply #1 on:** January 26, 2012, 04:17:41 pm »

Stickied for most useful source of jokes from ambrosia.

Humans wear sunglasses, sun wears chuckglasses

Dragon Skin · « **Reply #2 on:** January 26, 2012, 07:03:17 pm »

When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer; too bad he has never cried

[font=\\\"Arial\\\"][size=\\\"3\\\"]If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f*ck down[/size][/font]

When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris every night.

Chuck Norris turns on a night light when he goes to bed. It's not because he's scared of the dark - it's Because the dark is scared of him.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more than you.

[font=\\\"Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif\\\"]Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.[/font]

Some kids piss their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete.

Hyss Almighty · « **Reply #3 on:** January 27, 2012, 02:30:09 pm »

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls

testicle man · « **Reply #4 on:** March 28, 2012, 11:31:41 pm »

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

'PL' · « **Reply #5 on:** March 29, 2012, 12:07:07 pm »

"Iron this"

That hit the spot...

Alberto · « **Reply #6 on:** April 09, 2012, 03:11:53 pm »

I dont run slow , its the lag :DD

Eazy · « **Reply #7 on:** April 17, 2012, 08:35:21 pm »

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

__Enriko__ · « **Reply #8 on:** April 17, 2012, 09:05:14 pm »

What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

?

A teacher

emeNT // · « **Reply #9 on:** April 17, 2012, 09:33:28 pm »

why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side....

[color=\\\"#008000\\\"]AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH[/color]HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
[color=\\\"#008000\\\"]AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH[/color]HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH
[color=\\\"#008000\\\"]AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH[/color]HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH
[color=\\\"#008000\\\"]AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH[/color]HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH[color=\\\"#008000\\\"]AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH[/color]HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH
[color=\\\"#008000\\\"]AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH[/color]HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH[color=\\\"#008000\\\"]AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH[/color]HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH[color=\\\"#008000\\\"]AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH[/color]HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH[color=\\\"#008000\\\"]AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH[/color]HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH[color=\\\"#008000\\\"]AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH[/color]HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH[color=\\\"#008000\\\"]AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH[/color]HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH[color=\\\"#008000\\\"]AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH[/color]HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH

SO FUNNYYY

Eazy · « **Reply #10 on:** April 17, 2012, 09:37:52 pm »

Quote from: emeNT // on April 17, 2012, 09:33:28 pm

why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side....

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH

SO FUNNYYY

~xeon · « **Reply #11 on:** April 17, 2012, 09:38:10 pm »

tasha = trasha & liam = mail

"When are you going to trash the mail?"

(mail is liam backwards btw)

emeNT // · « **Reply #12 on:** April 17, 2012, 09:39:03 pm »

hhahaha, so FUNNY XEON. U GOT SUCH A SENSE OF HUMOURR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHAHAHAH CANT STOP LAUGHINNN MANNN TOO FUNNY

Ceph · « **Reply #13 on:** April 18, 2012, 08:31:01 am »

Quote from: Ceph on February 19, 2012, 01:18:52 am

why did the chicked cross the road? ............ bcoz she wanted to get to KFC

Quote from: emeNT // on April 17, 2012, 09:33:28 pm

why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side....

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH

SO FUNNYYY

-.-

emeNT // · « **Reply #14 on:** April 18, 2012, 04:53:49 pm »

my ones more funny, your ones just stupid...

MP-5 · « **Reply #15 on:** April 18, 2012, 04:57:56 pm »

There was this guy who had a cool-looking robot that did everything around the house. He cleaned, cooked, and even walked the dogs.
The cool thing was that it could function as a lie detector.

One day, the man's son, Little Johnny, was home late for dinner. The man asked "Why are you late, Johnny?"
"Me and Joseph were studying for a quiz tomorrow," he responded. Just then the robot smacked him in the back of the head to show he was lying.

"What were you really doing?" father asked.
"We watched a funny movie"
Johnny gets smacked again

"OK, we were watching a dirty movie."
The father says "Wasn't that better, Johnny? All you needed to do is tell the truth. That is what I do."

The robot smacks the father's head.
Yhe mother steps in and says "Go easy on him, Danny. After all, he is your son."

The robot then smacks the mother.

__Enriko__ · « **Reply #16 on:** April 18, 2012, 06:49:02 pm »

Quote from: MP-5 on April 18, 2012, 04:57:56 pm

There was this guy who had a cool-looking robot that did everything around the house. He cleaned, cooked, and even walked the dogs.
The cool thing was that it could function as a lie detector.

One day, the man's son, Little Johnny, was home late for dinner. The man asked "Why are you late, Johnny?"
"Me and Joseph were studying for a quiz tomorrow," he responded. Just then the robot smacked him in the back of the head to show he was lying.

"What were you really doing?" father asked.
"We watched a funny movie"
Johnny gets smacked again

"OK, we were watching a dirty movie."
The father says "Wasn't that better, Johnny? All you needed to do is tell the truth. That is what I do."

The robot smacks the father's head.
Yhe mother steps in and says "Go easy on him, Danny. After all, he is your son."

The robot then smacks the mother.

Nice one XD XD

'PL' · « **Reply #17 on:** April 18, 2012, 07:15:13 pm »

Quote from: MP-5 on April 18, 2012, 04:57:56 pm

There was this guy who had a cool-looking robot that did everything around the house. He cleaned, cooked, and even walked the dogs.
The cool thing was that it could function as a lie detector.

One day, the man's son, Little Johnny, was home late for dinner. The man asked "Why are you late, Johnny?"
"Me and Joseph were studying for a quiz tomorrow," he responded. Just then the robot smacked him in the back of the head to show he was lying.

"What were you really doing?" father asked.
"We watched a funny movie"
Johnny gets smacked again

"OK, we were watching a dirty movie."
The father says "Wasn't that better, Johnny? All you needed to do is tell the truth. That is what I do."

The robot smacks the father's head.
Yhe mother steps in and says "Go easy on him, Danny. After all, he is your son."

The robot then smacks the mother.

Old joke in a different spotlight

MP-5 · « **Reply #18 on:** April 18, 2012, 07:15:56 pm »

Quote from: *PL* on April 18, 2012, 07:15:13 pm

Old joke in a different spotlight

Old but Gold, ehh?

Eddy Wall-e · « **Reply #19 on:** June 02, 2012, 01:08:06 pm »

so a guy walks in a bar

he orders 2 cokes

the bartender ask to him why do you want 2 cokes?

the man replies :